Monsterfest is playing on AMC, there are jack-o-lanterns on every doorstep, and girls are walking around dressed as schoolgirls, Playboy bunnies, and prostitutes. Yes, it’s my favorite time of the year: Halloween. Every Halloween I bask in the glory of gore, death and anything that goes bump in the night. Who knew?
So, I will admit that my infatuation with Halloween has gotten me in trouble many times. My neighbors don’t always approve of my decoration choices for my front lawn, for instance. Whether it is bloody tombstones, hands crawling out of the ground, or a life-sized Michael Jackson holding a baby.... people just can’t seem to grasp the spirit of my Halloween decor. Once, I hung (fake) severed limbs from the tree in my front yard. Now, personally, I thought they looked beautiful. My neighbors, on the other hand, didn’t think it was very pretty. Apparently, hanging arms and legs from a tree could be “traumatizing” or “make children cry,” so I had to take them down. Fucking kids....
Some of my favorite Halloween costumes that I’ve used over the years include the classic Goth Girl, Britney Spears (a la schoolgirl uniform) with a slashed throat, and the crowd pleaser: a zombie. Sometimes, I’d answer my door to trick-or-treaters and they’d be the ripe age of three or four. It was always very entertaining to watch the kids scream and run away, or turn to their parents and ask what I was. The parents then tried to explain my costumes in the most child friendly/awkward way. In other words, Britney Spears cut herself shaving.... and I would chime in with "cause she's really a man." Oh, how I loved it.
The thing that would always annoy me on Halloween was those jerks that would turn off all the lights in their house, as if to say, “We’re not home. Sorry, no candy here!” How smart are you? If I turn my lights off no one will come and get candy! Whoo hoo! I'm a trickster! Well, I was one of those kids that would get very angry if my candy demand was not met. Let’s just say that old lady McFinigan won’t be turning her lights off on me anymore.
Embrace the Halloween spirit. Watch a horror movie or two, put on a scary mask and play creepy music/Rob Zombie throughout your neighborhood, because we only get this experience once a year. Cherish it. Before you know it, B101 will be playing Christmas music, and you’ll want to drive your car off of a cliff.
Happy Halloween!
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